ALUMNI
=============
Calhoun Clark
Andy Roberson
Gaines Huguley
Shrimper
Ryan Haynes
Robert Mobley
Holt Smith
Jennings Harley
Russell Park
Andrew Gilbert
Don Jennette
PLEBES
============
John Neil
Kip Smith
Charles Cannon
Matt Magaruh
J Koehn
Eli Narramore
Hunter Weekes
Justin Williams
Kent Pegram
Kevin Eaves
Kevin Fennington
Robert Eimer
Scott Williams
Greg Bragg
7:00am, Nov. 2nd, 2008
Following yesterday's 4 hour death march that was the Shut In Ridge Run,
your Webmaster, (a.k.a., Navigator, Thickburger, Big Man, Sage, among other
noms de guerre), is staring out the breakfast room window contemplating
just what it is that drives men to push themselves to the limit both
physically and mentally. Perhaps that same question could be put forth
to any of the 20 some-odd men that attended the Crescent Challenge 1 week
ago. Is it the sometime drudgery of every-day life, the pressures of the workplace,
or some wierd primeval urge that still lurks within us to occasionally
return to our roots when there were no i-phones, no internet, no iced lattes,
no heat, no air-conditioning, and every day was
a fight for survival ? Or, maybe we just have nothing better to do.
Backdrop
It is late October, 2008. The economy has gone tits up, the stock market is
headed straight down, the nation is divided, job-losses are skyrocketing, an
increasingly bitter general election looms, and the weather forecast for the
weekend looks increasingly shitty. However my friends, some things
must go on, and one of those things is the Crescent Challenge. So here
we find your sponsors on Thursday night before the Challenge is due to
commence, earning their keep, and engaged
in frantic last-minute reorganizations of the event. Look at the dedication
of Andy Roberson, scuttling out of his eldest daughter's violin rehearsal,
with cell-phone on vibrate, taking calls from the webmaster and doing his
part to ensure that the situation is handled. Sponsor Gaines Huguley is
also contacted via cell phone that night, and bravely offers up his chalet
(aka, "Pop Top Lodge") on top of Caesar's Head as an alternate refuge on
Friday night for those competitors not hardy enough to camp out in a
downpour at Cove Creek. So, sitting in front of his glowing 19-inch
monitor with eyes glazing over, the webmaster extracts the likely
attendees out of the CC database, fires off another annoying email updating
everyone, and then assigns each sponsor with a list of folks to call in an effort to cover all bases. By 11:30pm that night all necessary contacts have been made and the wheels are in motion for another Crescent Challenge.
Recon
Approximately 18 hours later, the navigator finds himself just in front of
the Mountain House Restaurant atop Caesar's Head, in a windswept rain,
hammering one of the now infamous Crescent Challenge directional placards
into place in a concrete flowerpot for maximum visibility from Hwy276.
Several more signs are hammered in throughout the twisting maze that is
the Caesar's Head Community. His suspicious activities
attract the notice of the local Barney Fife, who drops by Gaines' house
and hands him a notice advising that there is a critical water shortage in
the community. Critical in fact, to the extent that homeowners are on
the verge of being fined based on consumption patterns. Showers are
verboten, no dishwashers, no laundry, limited toilet flushing, and
homeowners are encouraged to basically use bottled water for everything.
During the lecture, the navigator struggles to stay focused as he
does the math in his head: "Let's see, 17 beer-swilling competitors are about to
descend on Pop Top Lodge, each probably taking 3 pisses tonight, 3 in
the morning, then throw in a huge bowel movement for each in the a.m.,
and given a typical old-fashioned 3-GPF toilet, you are looking at 360
gallons of water consumption there alone". Trying to maintain an air
of nonchalance, the navigator assures the guard of compliance, and
mentions that, "Oh, by the way, in case anyone wonders, those signs
posted around the community are to help guide just a few fellows in
that are arriving late at night. Nothing major, just a couple guys
dragging in late. Nothing to concern yourself about officer."
If it's Brown, it must go Down
Shortly thereafter the first competitors, in the form of veteran
Jennings Harley and plebe Justin Williams, arrive on the scene.
Kent Pegram rolls in, then Andy, then the governor himself. Andy
explains to Calhoun that not everyone can navigate like he
can, and his placard placements have been faulty, so they venture
out into the weather to make some adjustments, and within
a few hours, the once vacant Pop Top Lodge is alive. There is a fire
going, food is cooking, dark beverages are being consumed, but you
don't hear any toilets flushing.
The governor has issued a directive
stating only if it's brown can it go down. In the kitchen, "Big
John" Neil is holding forth on the finer points of bourbon drinking,
with young Justin as his chief student. Calhoun thought he had
brought some quality bourbon in the form of some Woodford Reserve,
but John quickly put it in its place as another "blend", albeit one
of greater-than-average quality for sure. Stick with the Evan
Williams Single Barrel next time navigator. More competitors
rolled in as the night wore on, some even showing up just for the
evening's festivities alone. The Charlotte/Rock Hill contingent of
Holt and Robert dragged in around Midnight, with yet another,
somewhat mysterious competitor arriving at 2 am all the way from
the coast. No, that's not a typo. 2 am. Pretty good actually,
considering said mystery competitor was in Columbia with his
keys locked in his car only two hours prior. The Navigator was
alerted to the mystery competitor's presence at about 4am, when the
mystery competitor let out a huge thunderclap of a fart, and then
proceeded to apologize out loud, even though he had no reason to believe
anyone could hear him.
Meanwhile, back at the official site of the Challenge, Cove Creek
Group Camp, the real men are camping out in a maelstrom: Andrew
Gilbert, Hunter Weekes and Eli Narramore stubbornly stuck with
the plan, foul weather be damned. More power to 'em.
Destination Cove Creek
The navigator led the caravan to Cove Creek Saturday a.m., arriving
at the gated entrance at 11:00, only to run into the esteemed J. Koehn
himself fumbling with the combination lock. Next, Hunter Weekes rolls
up on his Trek, having already been on an a.m. ride, and "all aglow" with
enthusiasm for the remainder of the day's activities.
Although he feigned envy, the navigator, a veteran of 4 Crescent
Challenges, silently snickered under his breath as Hunter
obviously had absolutely no idea what he was in for later in the day.
One by one more competitors rolled in, most surprised to find that
Hunter, Eli, and Andrew had actually camped out in the
prior night's monsoon. The Sponsors of the Challenge gazed out
with satisfaction at the crowd gathering. Tents were pitched,
equipment unloaded, bikes tuned, Andy's stereo began unleashing what would become a non-stop aural assault, and within a couple of hours
NINETEEN riders assembled in the meadow and headed out on the day's ride.
A short climb out of camp to Daniel Ridge then down and across 475,
and then up Long Branch, where the first casualty of the day was
Kevin Fennington, dropping off the tail end of the group in such a
fashion that he called it a day. Smart man that Fennington. The
rest of the competitors sat around looking smug at that particlar moment,
none realizing that by the end of the day they'd be crying for mommy.
From there it was a high-speed run down Butter Gap all the way to
the hatchery, and then up 475 (trail along river) and back up
Daniel Ridge, where the group realized a second casualty in the
form of Matt had occurred with him dropping off the back
and actually taking a wrong turn up the real Daniel Ridge. The
group pressed on, with Charles and Ryan splitting off at the
so-called "secret connector" to hunt down Matt. The trail leading
up to the secret connector had turned into a serious slog for the
last mile or so. Most of the competitors were ashen-faced, and even
Hunter, now second-guessing the wisdom of his morning warm-up lap,
looked as if he was about to lose his cookies, which should
tell you something. Yet, there we had Russell Park, the oldest member
of the group no less, turning in an almost Floyd Landis-like performance.
Later it would be revealed that Russell had consumed an almost toxic
amount of Calhoun's Accelerade and in fact admitted a growing addiction
to the evil powder. Accelerade will be added to the list of banned
substances at next year's event.
By the time they started down Caney Bottom, most in the group
were feeling the effects of the day, and the riders strung out a bit.
On the way over on the secret connector, exhaustion began to set in
for your webmaster, who really doesn't remember much else about the
ride, other than a sense of relief when he rolled into camp. Such
was his delirium, he joined Shrimper and the Bonecrusher for a
quick swim in the 42 degree swimming hole at Cove Creek, unwittingly
performing an instant sex-change operation on himself.
Meat Buffet Anyone
In the evening, most of the challengers busied themselves with
dinner preparations. After a 27 mile Pisgah ride, it is best to
take protein replenishment seriously.
Some competitors huddled around Svea stoves or the like,
others grilled at the fire pit, while the navigator fired up his
turkey-fryer with an attached 50-LB propane tank in order to
pan-fry some Johnsonville Brats.
Probably the most extreme example of protein consumption was
exhibted by Ryan, Shrimper and Kip, the chief architects of the now
infamous "meat buffet".
11:00pm, Dec 19th, 2008
Note to self, when trying to document an event, it is best to do it
within one or two weeks of said event ending. The webmaster has
obviously failed to follow that axiom, and will now try to dredge
up some more recollections of the Crescent Challenge from the
recesses of his brain.
Grouse Me Out
Picking up where we left off, the competitors had replenished
themselves after gorging on red meat and carbohydrates, started
a bonfire, and were settling in for the traditional un-documented
evening activities. They felt like they had a nice little party
going on. Full bellies, a cold and clear night, a warm fire,
some music, dark beer, good friends, what could possibly top that ?
Well, there is always a bigger, louder party going on somewhere,
and in this case, it was about 300 yards further up Cove Creek at
the upper group camp. Your webmaster is not totally clear on what
tipped some challengers off as to what our neighbors were up to.
Perhaps it was Kevin Fennington's sighting of several large men
and women earlier in the afternoon riding bed mattresses down Cove
Creek's sliding rock and into the swimming hole. Keep in mind
dear reader that it is October 25th in the mountains of N.C. The
water is not particularly warm.
Anyway, that sight and several
other small incidents had tipped a few folks off, and unbeknownst to
the webmaster, a small sortie organized by Kevin assembled under
the cover of darkness and headed up to the upper camp to see just
what in the hell was going on up there. Imagine their shock when
they peered through the rhododendron and saw the "Grouse-Out" in full
glory for the first time. Picture an unholy marriage of the Chitlin
Strut, Woodstock, and an all-night rave and you might get a sense of
the scene playing out before their eyes. A massive bonfire with a
blue flame in the center, about 60 people of all shapes and sizes
gyrating around the fire, and one fellow leading with a boom-box
perched on his shoulder. Most of the revelers were adorned with
glowing beads and twirling glo-sticks. Kevin and company quickly
inserted themselves into the midst of the throng, not quite blending
in but aquitting themselves well enough to earn an invitation for
any and all of us to join the party. More than one competitor
noticed that Andrew Gilbert seemed right at home. When interrogated,
Andrew fessed up that he himself used to be a Grouser back in the
day.
After observing this spectacle for several minutes, our brave
emissaries ventured back to the lower camp, espousing the virtues of
the hallucinegenic festival going on just up the road, and before
you knew it half of the Crescent Challenge migrated north and the
evening simply went downhill from there.
Day Two
The navigator's eyes opened at 6:30am on Sunday morning. Over night,
it had turned really cold, and his tent was coated in a solid
veneer of ice. Much to his amazement, he felt quite rested, and
was neither freezing nor curled up in the the fetal position,
which is the usual state he had found himself in when winter
camping in the past. What was the difference you might ask ? Well,
for starters, he wasn't sleeping in a Barbie sleeping bag,
but rather, had secured the best equipment the U.S. Military has
to offer, courtesy of past competitor Greig Bacsal. Anyway,
he struggled out of his tent, then had to suppress a chuckle as
he glimpsed Andy's riding gear, left exposed during the night and
frozen completely solid.
Robert Mobley saunters over after falling out of his hammock, and true
to form, quickly assesses the breakfast situation and pronounces
the need for sausage and eggs. Given the choice, what would you
choose for cooking breakfast on a freezing morning, the turkey-fry
burner with a direct line to 50 Lbs. of propane, or a wheezing
backpacking stove as in use by several Challenge plebes ? That's
what I thought.
Life just isn't as simple as you get older, and that partially
explains the competitors' splitting off for different activities
not long after breakfast. We had one contingent heading to Dupont
State Forest for "Take a Kid Mountain Biking" day, another just
hanging out at the campground catching up, and then a hardy group
of twelve that subjected themselves to another sufferfest of a ride
with tour-guides Ryan Haynes and Robert Mobley.
Your webmaster's
recollection of the ride is a bit fuzzy, but names like Avery Creek,
Black Mountain, and Thrift Cove are recalled. A long, never-ending
climb left the navigator all but useless, with his college roomate
Don, "Sweetola" Jennette, aka the Bonecrusher, doubling back to check
on his condition. At the final waypoint, nine of this group opted
to take thrift cove back down to the parking lot, while Robert, Ryan,
and plebe Kent Peggram had the fortitude to extend their ride by one
more climb.
Another Crescent Challenge has passed. This event seems to get a
little bigger every year, and the sponsors want to thank every
one for taking time out of their busy schedules to attend. We look
forward to seeing everyone next year, whenever and wherever the
event will be held.
See you Next Year...
The Webmaster